Archive for October, 2014

Perpetrator need sacrifice

Perpetrator needs sacrifice, because he※ cannot admit sacrifice(and anyone) become happy.
Simply he continue to do what he has received from his perpetrator – it’s usual culture for his life.  He did not know peace because no one gave him peace and if someone did, he cannot receive properly. He has so less confidence that he can be valuable person to receive peace and love.
Sacrifice for him is same level as his former situation.
Sacrifice can become happy but he cannot accept it, wants to destroy it’s potential because P was not able to be happy.
Sacrifice show a little bit unhappy or less confidence. Once Perpetrator find such a sacrifice, he has get to want to attack the sacrifice to prove that the  sacrifice cannot be happy as well as him.
It’s famous statistic of sexual perpetrator’s tendency that he chose sacrifice who looks one who has less confidence, or less selfesteem, not be active, showy or sexy. It says that sexual  perpetrator will attack sacrifice not by sexual desire – but domination greed.

Sometimes sacrifice must be a substitute of his mother who did not take care him well or assaulted him.
Perpetrator would attack sacrifice with his anger which he has pooled during his life.
Perpetrator is one who has not been healed since his impairment.

As some psychiatrist, some  perpetrator has damage in brain and it must work badly. Such a case is in professional area.
But we have to think many perpetrator has experiences of assault.
If someone would have find him, help him from such a terrible environment,heal him, put him in a wonderful human relationship, he must not be a perpetrator.

If perpetrator would be punished strictly, it must not work efficiently for him.
Because healing must stop his unhappiness and change his heart.

I never say all survivors have to understand it.
Their issue is prior how to heal them and find happiness again.

So someone has to take care perpetrator in order not to let him overlaid crime.
I know some rape crisis center is giving activities for perpetrators in prisons to show how they have to handle their subject of life through survivor’s point of view.

Ray with Phoolan

※he⇒he/she, him ⇒him/her

Survivor show some……

Survivor show her/hi strength gotten from their painful experiences.
Survivor find her/his selfesteem, thanks for  her/his family, friends or others who actually have supported them.
Some survivor did not noticed but unfortunately notice through such process of recovery.

This is really what perpetrator want to learn in their bottom of heart, unconscious area or spiritual area.
Perpetrator is the past victim not survivor and has to learn how to be survivor from their victim.
Perpetrator transforms her/his stress, hurt of heart and some PTSD element against victim.
Perpetrator need victim because she/he dislike to admit their weakness and poverty of heart.
Or just as phenomena of PTSD, perpetrator relive her/his traumatic experience which she/he had gotten before or past.

Famous story of vicarious experience of PTSD is the murder who used to be a American solider in the Vietnam war.
He had continue to kill someone on every same day in a year.
Finally psychologist found his PTSD which he got at the battlefield.
His friend was killed by bomb just in front of him at the day.
He had realized his experiences every year through killing someone.
You may feel strange — Why did he kill people in spite of he might have sadness through losing his friend?
That is the internalized hurt of him and the hurt acts to be found by someone.
The deep hurt continue to act until it would be recognized by it’s owner.
For example, some bullied person would bully someone later.
What kind of person are they?
They are the people who have denied his sad experience or been under impression that they don’t feel anything with their delusional reason that they are strong or the incident is not so important for them.
They ignore their emotion because it is so scare to feel such a terrible tragedy.
That is one of self-defense to keep their mental capacity.
Some people who face some terrible incident – bully, assault, accident, disease –  choose way to ignore, deny, think it easy depending on their resilience capacity.
Resilience capacity is developed by love of their family, friends and others.
So people assaulted by parents tend to lose their resilience.
Ignored hurt become ice in heart and it cause violence mentally and physically.
Then people who has such an ice would attack other people like their perpetrator of themselves.
It is message from ice – “please find me” “please melt me with your love”.
That’s why counseling and healing are important for perpetrator to prevent next criminal.
Perpetrator really need love not punishment.
Punishment itself may work as assault on such hurt and injured people.
If their hurt and injured heart could have been found by someone in earlier term and healed by somehow, it would not become ice and be melted by love.
The best way to prevent criminal is to find injured heart and heal it in earlier term.

You can see typical earlier term of healing in the victim of incident.
Victim shows scare, sadness panic and later anger so emotionally.
Perpetrator needed such a emotional feeling in earlier term of their tragedy.
Victim sometimes shows memory impairment and memory loss.
This is same as self-defense to keep their mental capacity.
Perpetrator could learn how people are depressed and how they will recover.
Spiritually or unconsciously perpetrator grab victim who may show similar topic with them.

On the other perspective point, perpetrator grab victim which has similar needs as him/her.
This is the next topic.

Ray – with Phoolan


































Victim and Prepetrator  —   It’s my eternal theme of life.

You know about discrimination. There are many kinds of discrimination all over the world.
I have learned specific discrimination issue in Japan which focusing on Buraku people – who are Japanese but has been discriminated by Japanese because of their birthplace, occupation and ancestor.
There had been a big movement from the beginning of 1900’s – Buraku liberation movement and they have gotten many things through policy action. (But now their movement has been getting down – I think the movement ideal and method itself  must have problem.)

I really don’t like discrimination so I have joined these movement since I became an university student.
Big problem was my father ant my mother who discriminate them.
So I have learned both side – people who discriminate and people who are discriminated.
It must be same as Victim and Prepetrator.

I was not able to agree with the way of movement that they just criticize and blame people who discriminate.
My belief  was if you want to change mind of  discriminatory people, you have to understand their mind why they discriminate people.

My father has his dry heart from his history who cannot get into the big company which would be supposed to satisfy him with it’s status fitting his educational background – graduated from one of the big 7 universities. He had kept complex against people who has same educational background and high social position – layer, doctor, good position in big company.
He did effort to go to the university refusing his father’s recommendation to go to vocational school. But at the same time he had kept sense of superiority.
His sense of superiority broken his selfesteem and made him feel inferiority against his friends form university- this is on the same value of measurement of his sense of superiority.
Because of refusing his father’s recommendation, he was not able to get good attention from his father.
He was so sad, felt lonely and showed his past life of his student time when he was so clever and excellence.
He wanted to be recognized as a big person but he could not, so he needed peoples who was more inferior than him to prove his superior position.
This is the flame of my father’s discrimination.
So if you wanted him to share no discrimination idea with him, you had to share better idea as below with him.
1. He was a wonderful person without any high position, high educational background.
2. He had to recognize that he had lost his selfesteem with such a sense of superiority. If he could get it away from him, he might not get complex from any person and not need superior feeling against people.

I was not able to share this idea with him because I was so young to learn these idea so just blamed him on his discrimination. He died 51 years old when I was 17. He asked me “what has been my life? ” — asked to such a young girl before he died.

Discriminator needs people who show inferior element.
But if you don’t show any inferior element, and not share with discriminator’s value and a way of thinking, you can just ignore their discrimination.
But sometimes discriminators show violence against people like as hate crime, you have to show resolute attitude.
To avoid discriminators violence to occur, you have to melt their ice of heart , not blame them.

Victim who was discriminated can be Survivor who show their strength – how they survive from such a trouble situation. It means that Survivor is teacher  for Discriminator and Prepetrator.

Discriminator and Prepetrator naturally need to learn how to survive from their situation and change their way of thinking especially on themselves.  —-  You have to love you first before blaming, hating, criticizing……
Survivor learned this from their experiences and show model as human being.

Ray – with Phoolan























October 2014
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Sky Salon
Salon at the 21st floor where you can see view of Osaka city.